The blame game is a game where no one wins. Especially when it comes to blaming others when things go wrong in your life.
When we feel angry, hurt, or wrong, it can be easy to slip into the victim mentality and get stuck there. We feel like everyone is out to get us, people are setting us up for failure, and because other people aren’t understanding, or nice, we are being inconvenienced or taken advantage of.
The victim mentality can be addicting because it’s a great excuse for us not to take responsibility for our role in situations that go wrong. The problem though, is by not taking responsibility for the parts of situations that might be our fault, we don’t learn from our mistakes. We start to feel powerless and like we are living our lives on the defensive.
Here are some examples of victim mentality in everyday situations:
- “It’s not my fault for being late because people were driving slow.”
- “My boss never liked me, that’s the only reason I got fired.”
- “I can’t help that I over reacted, you’ve been stressing me out!”
- “Nobody is ever there for me, so what’s the point in being there for them.”
- “My life is a mess lately because people are just so self-centred and rude.”
- If you recognise yourself in any of those statements, or if you feel like the world has just been working against you, you might be stuck in the victim mentality. But don’t worry! I’m not here to judge, I’m here to help.
Here are some ways to move forward:
Recognise your role, take responsibility. It’s not your fault you were late because of traffic? Well, is there any chance you could have planned and left earlier? Did you hit snooze one too many times? Chances are, the things that are happening to you aren’t as one sided as you think. Examine the situation and own up to how you could have made different choices that would lead to better outcomes.
Stop sensationalising what you’re going through. It’s not the end of the world. You’re not the only one struggling. No one is plotting against you. Don’t feed into the drama!
Upgrade your attitude. Instead of thinking, “Why me?!” or, “I have the worst luck.” Shift your attitude to be more positive and optimistic. Like, “I got this!” or, “Things are going to get better!” or, “There’s nothing I can’t handle!
Remember: YOU ARE EMPOWERED!
Don’t be the victim in your own story!