You’re Not Spoiling Children — You’re Disabling Them
Developmental delays don’t just affect “a few children.”
They shape classrooms, learning, behaviour, and wellbeing for everyone.
When we understand child development, we don’t just support some students better - we support all students better.
This week, a The Guardian article shared a stark fact:
👉 1 in 4 children enter school without basic self-care skills.
Not hyperbole.
Not opinion.
Not rare cases.
I've watched this get worse in school for nearly 2 decades.
I work with teaching assistants who are changing nappies for children who are not on the SEND register.
These are children who:
can’t use the toilet independently
can’t feed themselves
can’t put on socks, shoes, jumpers or coats
And when parents are asked why, the answer is often:
“I spoil them. I just do everything for them.”
Here’s the uncomfortable truth:
That isn’t kindness.
It’s disabling.
I don’t say that out loud in the moment — professionalism matters —
but let’s be honest here.
When adults do for children what children can and should learn to do themselves, we:
-undermine independence
-damage confidence
-create avoidable delays
-place unfair strain on school staff
-And the ripple effects are huge.
📊 The data tells a clear story:
-1 in 4 children start school developmentally behind
-Around 1 in 3 don’t achieve expected SATs outcomes
-Around 1 in 3 don’t pass expected GCSEs
And those early figures don’t even include SEND children.
So why does the gap widen?
Because when children start behind, the system has to respond —
and that means teachers are forced to give disproportionate time to basic care and regulation.
Which means:
-less attention for other children
-more pressure on staff
f-ewer opportunities for everyone
Clearly some children catch up.
Many don’t.
And none of this is about blame.
It’s about understanding development.
Because real kindness isn’t doing everything for children.
It’s about equipping them to do things for themselves.
That’s how we protect:
- learning
- wellbeing
- dignity
- classrooms
- and their futures
If we want better outcomes, we have to start earlier, braver, and more honestly.
💬 This isn’t a parenting issue or a school issue.
It’s a developmental understanding issue — and it affects us
all.
#parentsupport #understandingchildren #parentingwithpurpose #raisingresilientkids #mentalhealthmatters #neurodiversity
